There's No Place Like Our Home, I Can Promise You.

2011-01-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been so long since I've updated.

Things are going well. The age of twelve brought not only a new maturity, but a new activity level at school. She is involved in almost everything.

She is truly one of those special ones. Once a caseworker told me that there is no hope for children adopted from foster care. How much do I disagree? First, let me say that this is no way bragging, but how my child is already doing.

1) A-Team of all athletics she does
2) Straight A's.
3) National Junior Honor Society
4) Band
5) Majorette

She does fantastic in all she does. She has a drive and a heart that is amazing.

So, is she one a million? TO me she is, but there are more who need a chance.

The Corner

2010-08-14T18:24:00.000-07:00

Not standing in it, but turning it. It seems we have done so this summer.

Anyone who has adopted an older child understands attachment and how it can sometimes trigger meltdowns or behaviors when a child feels the attachment isn't secure. We are going on four years now and she has been to two summer camps, had two sleep away from home nights with friends, and walked to the park with friends with no ill effects. I am so happy.

Things really do seem to be at a good place right now. She is happy and well behaved. She laughs a lot. She is still a handful, but in the way that any 12 year old girl is.

She likes clothes, jewelry, her phone, her friends, and food.

I hope this is a way of life forever for us. I'm not sure if these two things had anything to do with it, but I think they do.

First, she wanted to cease all mention of adoption and her birthfamily. She chose to close the adoption. I don't think it is the healthiest thing but I am going with it.

Second, I gave up the notion of me having all control. It has made things so much better. I wish I would have done it years ago. (just in general)

This year should be wonderful for her. She will be in the 7th grade and I am hoping for a banner year.

Summer Vacation

2010-08-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

This summer is going to set the tone for the rest of her high school years. She has had band camp.

Church camp. Majorette camp.

Volleyball camp. Next week is another majorette camp. She will then march in a parade. She also entered a beauty contest on the spur of the moment, and won.

I was terrified, fearing that if she lost it would crush her fragile self esteem. She also got to do a junior internship at a local vet's office. We ended up with two orphan kittens.

Life is never dull and I'm thankful that she helps keep it exciting.

Fast Fwd....

2010-06-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

The month of May was crazy. Boo had her first dance recital. That was also the day of her 12th birthday.

She also made the middle school majorette squad.
The month of June is almost as busy. She has band camp and other activities going on. She's happy though.

Turning Blue

2010-04-06T18:55:00.001-07:00

Repost:

Every now and then, we do a post that isn't food related at all, but rather related to something that has a special place in our hearts, and this is one of those posts.

It seems that every cause these days has a ribbon, a color, and a month. I don’t think you realize the significance of any of it until you wear a ribbon for someone that you love. Anyone who has watched someone fight breast cancer will tell you that the wearing a pink ribbon really does mean something special, and the people who were the first ones to wear them many years ago will tell you that it has for sure raised awareness of the issue of breast cancer.

So why is blue important to us? April is Nation Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness month and in our careers we have dealt with cases of abuse that we will never forget. We have testified in court, reported abuse that made a life or death difference, and hugged fragile little souls that have been battered beyond belief.

There is one more reason that makes it even more important, one that I almost hesitate to mention. It is almost one of those things that is too personal and once you say it you can never take it back. Like when you squeeze out too much toothpaste, you can never put it back. Our personal story of child abuse in our family is my daughter. Five years ago we began the process of adopting her from foster care. She had spent almost five years there and thankfully, she is one of success stories. We write about her here frequently, and we sincerely hope that seeing how successful she has been will inspire other people to consider adoption. She is bright , beautiful, and I can’t imagine life without her. She has suffered loss and heartache that no child should ever have to endure.

But, I don’t want to make her the poster child for child abuse. No child should be. Ever. I want to tell you how YOU can make a difference. Really there are lots of ways. I want to begin with a story of another child. Even after I adopted I learned that I wasn’t doing my part in my community to fight child abuse.

I have a friend who also adopted a child from foster care, an adorable little girl. (We often say we got the two most beautiful ever) Her daughter’s case carried on even after adoption. There was a criminal sexual abuse case that went to court. Horrors! Did I go to court for her? Did I set there and let her know that she had my support? Did I go to her house the day before her daughter had to testify and pray with her? Did her church? No. I did none of that. I texted. How lame.

Do you know who DID do all of those things and more? A motorcycle gang. Yes, a group of people that are sometimes looked down upon took on the duties that her friends and church should have been doing. They attended court each day. Take that SEXUAL PREDATOR! This taught me so much. BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) are people who know how to fight child abuse. Here are some things that they do.

Know what is considered abuse and report it if you see it.
Support your local Child Welfare Board. (BACA is awesome when we have a fundraiser or event)
Pray for the children, parents, foster parents, caseworkers, and judges.
Support the victims.
Be visible in the community that Child Abuse will not be tolerated.
Wear Blue on the day set aside for Go Blue day in your area.
Ask your Church to participate in Blue Sunday
Repost this or link to it. Spread the word.

I had taught many years before I was immersed in the world of foster care and adoption. I thought I knew quite a bit about it, having been involved in several cases. I was wrong. I knew nothing! I didn’t know that neglect accounts for 60% of cases reported AND that severe neglect can rewire a child’s brain. I didn’t know that almost all sexual abuse victims know their assailant, often a family member or close friend. I didn’t know that with work, children can and do recover and have the potential that all others have.

As I said before, I don't want people to look at my child and think of her past. She is more than that and she has already began working to help other children who have been victims of abuse. She has overcome. The ones who can't? The almost four children per day who die in the US due to abuse or neglect.

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T03:47:00.001-07:00

Today she will sing I Will Rise for our church. I am so blessed.

Going Away

2010-02-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

I have to go away for two days in a few weeks. Since Boo has been a part of our family, I've never been away overnight. In fact, I hardly go anywhere without her.

We spent the first six months together. She was hardly anywhere that I wasn't. It was exhausting but it planted the seed that I was not going to leave her. Once our adoption was final after that six months, I thought I could maybe venture to the grocery store while she stayed home with Dad. No. It took about another year before I could really leave without her fearing it was for good.

Things are better but not yet perfect. I feel that they never will be. I hardly go out with friends to eat or see a movie. I'm talking once or twice a year. I wonder how my trip will work on her mind. Is she able to process that she misses me, but I will return? Will she tell herself (and me) that she hates me to lessen the hurt if I don't return?

I hope that this is a learning experience for us as a family, and as a mother daughter. I will try to reassure her that I AM coming back and do miss her. I hope that she will someday learn that I am always coming back.

Wordless Wednesday: Snow Day

2010-02-17T17:01:00.000-08:00

Born In My Heart---a Valentine for my Daughter

2010-02-13T20:18:00.000-08:00

They say in adoption that your child was born in your heart. This is day ours was born. You can check out the link here.

Wordless Wednesday: Boo

2010-02-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

Nature vs. Nurture

2010-01-31T13:24:00.001-08:00

Nature vs. nurture. I've wondered for a while which is stronger.

It really has me wondering things. She has some kind of unheard of talent in all areas. First, she is brilliant. She is the smartest thing I can track down in either adopted or bio family. Second, she is athletic. Again, some history. Third, anything she does she learns quickly. You know the pattern here.

She has picked up one of my hobbies. Yes, it helps to have a nice camera and lens, but look at what she took. Amazing?

I Know

2009-12-28T09:58:00.000-08:00

It has been forever since an update. So much has happened that I can't even begin to fill it all in. We did a lot of adoption related stuff and it was wonderful. We had the opportunity to share our story on a local TV station, a magazine, and newspapers. It was all for National Adoption Day. We even spoke at the local National Adoption Day ceremony in our neighboring town.

Of course, the star looked beautiful at everything.

I Cut!

2009-08-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

...or "Dreaming of Blue Water"

AJ has always wanted a pedicure. I've taken her to get her nails painted but felt she was too young for the feet in the water pedi. After having a good report from her Dr. about her foot fracture, we went to get pedicures.

She had the little guy that is quiet and gentle. I'll bet he spent 30 minutes just massaging her feet. Me? I got the girl that is speedy. She got into my almost ingrown toenail and went to town. I tried to let her know it was painful but leaning up, groaning, and even screaming. She never even flinched. She looked at me and smiled (all the while digging in my big toe with a razor sharp knife) and said, "I cut!"

Yes, you did. Then she got some sharp tools and dug around. I was clenched in a tight ball by the time she started on my cuticles. Meanwhile, princess is being massaged.

It was a fun day. It was also something she has dreamed of for years. I'm glad we got to do it, even if I got the short end of the stick.

In The End...

2009-08-07T18:57:00.001-07:00

To pull all the corners together of the last two posts, I would say that we have smoothed out pretty much most of our initial fear of each other, AJ and I.

My fear of the unknown was the worst. I didn't know what made her laugh. Who knew that she had a sick and depraved sense of humor like Dale and myself? I don't even know if it would be considered emotionally healthy to laugh at some of the things we do, but I certainly know it isn't proper.

I was afraid she would never love me. I guess that is the bottom line. I didn't 'know' her. Yes, I had known her on the surface for two years or more. But I didn't know her as a person. She had a habit of telling people what they wanted to hear for a while. It really was hard to get inside her head and find out what she really was thinking. Sometimes I'm not sure I've made it there. I do know that she loves me. That wasn't an overnight thing though.

In promoting attachment I found them to work both ways. I found myself becoming protective of her even if I still was confused and exhausted. Once the new wore off, we started learning about each other. I had a lot of lost time to make up for. Some of the things...she hated. For instance, I made a mix CD for her with songs that had special meanings. She hated it and would not listen to it. The pink baby blanket with her name on it? She loves to this day.

I can hardly remember life without her. She doesn't like to address adoption and wishes we never discussed it. I don't like to dwell on it but can't help but honor how our family is built. The adoption process has rewired the way I think and react to situations. It is a presence in our life that is neither good nor bad. It just is.

I think that all things have worked out in the end. The people who had strong faith never wavered. I'm glad I have them to hold onto.

Unplanned, Part 2

2009-08-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, I was terrified of my daughter on day one. She was so sweet. She hugged everyone and had fabulous social skills. Since I had spent the past nine months or so immersed in the study of older child adoption, those were all red flags. Yes, the more adjusted she appeared the worse she probably was. She had not been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) but I knew that we were going to hit attachment issues even in the best of situations.

We spent the first few weeks with me spending every waking second with her. I teach school so even though I wasn't beside her, she knew I was there. I woke her up, chose her clothes, dressed her as you would a baby, I prepared her breakfast and then did her hair. After school we did things together and then when it was around 6:00 I had her get a shower. We then watched a little TV until 7:00 and then I got into bed with her. We read a book or watched TV or talked.

I have to be honest that the attachment worked both ways. I had to fall in love with her. At first it was so difficult. Her heart was as hard as a rock. Yes, she smiled and giggled and had decent manners. But it wasn't real. I realized that when I heard her really laugh for the first time. It broke my heart that I had her fake laugh for weeks as real.

We did laugh, and we still do. She used to say, "Make me laugh, Momma." And I try. Sometimes I have to say something shocking but she still laughs. We have attached. I even laugh at her sometimes.

This picture was taken during her first few weeks at home. We did a lot of sidewalk chalk and she danced on a regular basis. She's outgrown the chalk but still dances.

Unplanned Children

2009-08-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

My daughter was a surprise to us. We met her a year before we began the process of adopting her. When the idea of adopting a child presented itself to us, we were pretty much looking at life as people who were almost to the finish line of child raising. We had about 3 years to go and we were free.

Then my husband uttered his famous last words. "I guess all of this will work unless a little girl falls in our laps."

The next day she stopped by my classroom on the way to the library and announced that was going to be making a video, airing for the purpose of finding a family for her. I knew at that very moment that a little girl had just landed in my lap. If only it had been that easy.

We actually had more of a thought process about that just random "Oh we will grab the first child we see". We prayed. We talked. We wondered how we could do something we thought was never going to be a possibility. Then we decided to at least try and see what the powers that be said to us.

They said no. Then they said yes. Then No. Then Sure. Then maybe. Then Never. Then finally, Yes. But only if. It was a process like no other. Our marriage was tested beyond any limits it had been stretched before. It peeled away layers of our soul that the other had never seen. Sounds corny but spend months reliving your childhood, all previous losses, and everything else you've ever done: Write about it 3 times and then be interviewed twice. You will learn a thing or twelve.

As insane as the fight to her was, the actual 'getting' her was a shock to my system. We were driving home with her. She fell asleep. I looked at her and wondered...What in the name of all that is Holy have I done? I had a vague remembrance of the whole mountain o'crap that we had been through to get her. It was wiped clean pretty much. I was now blown away by the fact that WE were responsible for this child. This innocent child who had probably been through more in her short life that all of us put together. How on earth could we parent her? What had we done?

While I was terrified and throwing up all the time, Dale was as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. He was confident that once she ever was handed over to us, she was ours. It was as if she had always been ours to him. I'm thrilled that he had such faith.

Me, I was still scared. Right now I can't really elaborate as this small child is over my shoulder, wanting some one on one time.

We're not in Texas anymore....

2009-08-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we made the short drive to Arkansas to visit my mother. Right before we adopted we had a plan to start building down there and eventually move. The adoption changed our course though. AJ really does want to live there, even though you look out the back door and see this.

We thought we had life planned and had a surprise. Our baby girl. I don't know if our path in life changed or if she helped us stay on the one meant for us. Either way, we are going in the right direction now.

Genetics vs. ???

2009-07-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

My mother and my daughter are almost identical in many ways. I'm not sure how it can even be possible to be so much alike since my daughter is adopted. It is almost like I am raising a child version of my mother. Not just the fact that both are dark haired with dark eyes. It is more than that. While I love my mother and daughter more than I can convey in words, these things they do annoy me. How did I end up with two people so much alike so close to me?

1) Utter disregard for organization. I knew that AJ was like my mother the very first time we colored together. Me, I take a box of crayons and try to keep them in some form of order, usually by the spectrum and by which needs to be used so that some aren't dull and some sharp. My daughter? She took the brand new box and dumped them out before I could say a word. She stirred them up and never looked back. My mother does the same thing, often dumping things in her purse or any drawer that can hold anything.

2) Lid? What lid? Neither one ever places a lid on anything. Toothpaste, ketchup, peroxide...if it has a lid then it goes without once they touch it.

3) Anything that is mine is up for grabs. When I was growing up, nothing was sacred in my room. Not because she was nosy, but because she might wander in, carelessly pick up my hairbrush, and then maybe not lay it down until she was, oh, at the barn. AJ does the same thing. I found my roll of scotch tape on the loveseat yesterday. Who knows why.

4) Obession with tape. This sounds crazy but they both are nuts about tape. I have to have a secret hiding place for my tape because if either one ever see it, it is gone. My mother has a tape dispenser that is for industrial use. She has already used a few and I don't really know why she needs it. I do know that it is loud and she can use it for hours on end. She has also wanted to buy one for AJ. I don't think she's old enough for a 'tape gun', as Mother calls it.

5) Both are fast food junkies. They are the only two people I have ever seen cry over the lack of fast food. Mother had a melt down when her arm was broken and dad was cooking. She couldn't drive, he hates chicken and pretty much the lived on tuna straight from the can and bananas for weeks. She called me in tears sayings, "I THINK I WILL DIE IF I DON'T GET SOME CHURCH'S CHICKEN TODAY". I had a similar experience with AJ when we tried to go 30 days with no McDonald's. After about day 10 she was crying, "I'm JUST A KID! I NEED McDONALD'S".

6) Both will take the advice of a stranger over my advice. How many times have I heard from my mother, "A lady in the check out line at K-Mart said....". Really? I told you that six months ago. Listen to me. AJ will do the same thing.

7) Both are nudists. Only at home. They hate to feel the confinement of chothes. It seems my whole life I have had to wait to open the door so that SOMEONE can get dressed,

8) Both are extreme animal lovers. I've seen my mother spend days without sleep just to try to save a newborn animal, be it calf, kitten or puppy. Nothing was really beyond trying. My daughter has the same love and compasion. Not a bad thing, but heartwrenching at times.

9) Sleep must be had. Both require at least 8 hours of sleep. If this isn't had, someone will pay dearly. Now, they may miss a night for something, but it will be made up. I promise. And if you wake them up before the required amount, you may as well wake a wild gorilla. Both can nap anything it is cool and dark. My mother has slept at the movie theater. AJ still falls alseep in the car.

10) They feel they have to right all wrongs done in their presence. Someone shoplifting. Mom screams for security. I wouldn't be shocked if someone shanked her, probably at K-Mart. Didn't follow Robert's Rules of Order? She will let you know. Or she would, back in the day. AJ does the same thing. Someone was picking on a neighborhood kid and she got up in their face and told them to leave her property and never come back or she would have a restraining order. The bully was about three times her size and could have squashed her. She also left me sister a note once about cursing. Funny.

There are more, many more. They cry when they have fever. They laugh at me when I can't find something. They hate a schedule. They don't want to be vegetarians. I've wondered if this is some cosmic joke, if God laughs out loud when he sees me looking for tape and a gift bag, only to find them crammed under her bed full of rocks. Who knows.

Rehab: Family Style

2009-07-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

My mother has had two eye surgeries this summer. She was pretty much without any sight until her first surgery. She hasn't driven in a year, and has just stayed home. They live on a farm in Arkansas, and she has relied on my dad and brother to help her out. I won't elaborate on that point. Not now at least.

We all knew that she would need to stay somewhere to recover properly. She couldn't risk an infection and had to have three different drops four times per day. She also couldn't risk falling as she takes blood thinners for a heart problem. My dad was going to be working in the hayfield, and as any farmer knows, hay comes first. It was either stay with my older brother or come over here. SHe has stayed with them in the past and I did want her to come and try to relax here.

She agreed. I was not sure what to expect at first. To be honest, we haven't spent so much time together lately. We talk on the phone daily, even multiple times. But as far as doing lunch or shopping....no. Something about living 40 miles apart, me working, her not being able to drive, KIDS has all but put a squash on me having any type of social life. I didn't realize how much it adds to a relationship to see, feel, and laugh with a person in real time rather than just talking on the phone.

Mom was able to relax. She made herself at home and we had a big time. AJ is very much like my mother (even though adopted) and they both spent the first rehab time eating junk food and doing things I don't like. But we all had a blast and mom rested. She also realized that she was blind when she began to see again.

Her last surgery wasn't as successful. She came back to stay and had to be extra careful with the eye that might never see. We were all worried but within a few days she had some vision and some energy. She was up and ready to do all the things she has been missing out on the last year. Instead of afternoon naps with her like the first surgery, she was sending me on errands and having me go to the store for her.

She also couldn't stand that we had about 50 lbs of tomatoes from the garden and no time to can them. She began to cook and she cooked and cooked some more. She had three days of cooking and I don't remember seeing her so happy in a long time. We also loved the great food and wonderful conversations. I keep playing many of them back in my mind long after she has gone home to Dad.

She has heart surgery in a few days. Of course, I worry. I want her to come back and stay again. Maybe we won't expect her to cook this time.

Wellness

2009-07-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday AJ and I volunteered at a local Wellness Fair. I was representing the Child Welfare Board of our county. I volunteered to help and was appointed to the board last year.

Hopefully these events will bring awareness to our area of the great need we have.

1) We need donations for our rainbow room. This is an emergency resource room that caseworkers pull to help a child who has just been removed. So many kids need clothes, diapers, formula, shoes, ect. This room is ran 100% on donations nd by volunteers.

2) We need to help our kids in foster care. Yes, foster parents get money put it is not much. These kids also need school clothes. Our board gives $75 for back to school clothes and supplies. That is a joke, really. I'm about to lay out $600 on a clarinet in a few weeks and foster families get no help for that. The need for these kids is endless. Camp, senior rings, prom, Easter, ect.

3) We need foster/adoptive families. This is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is also the most rewarding.

My rewards have been indescribable. I have a daughter who is beautiful, talented, and smart. She is funny and sensitive. She can sing, dance, and write. Her story will soon be published in Chicken Soup For The Soul. I can go on and on.

What I want people to know is that there is a need and you can help./

Fresh.

2009-07-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

I can't remember where I left off. Pretty much, Mom has had two eye surgeries, one was successful, one not. The Dr. wasn't sure she would even have vision in the one eye. I wasn't sure it would ever look normal again. Thankfully, she can see a little and it looks OK.

AJ is fine. She's glad to be home from church camp. Dale and I had one day where we were both off and child free and we spent it baby sitting my 5 month old nephew. We are wild.

I also took pictures of a brand new baby. He was precious. I could take newborn pictures all day everyday.

Mother and I (mostly her) have been canning salsa. We still have about 50 lbs of tomatoes to go. I'm ready to give or throw the rest away. I couldn't have been a pioneer woman.

All By Myself

2009-07-15T18:32:00.001-07:00

This hasn't happened in years. I'm all alone. (if you don't count the animals)

Even more rare, Dale and I will have two nights and days alone and he is off work for them. We pretty much plan to stay home and maybe go eat. We are exciting like that.

AJ is at camp. I do hate to let her go at all because it seems to mess with her attachment. Last year was her first year to go and she did fine but was so afraid that somehow, we sent her away for good. She knew better but it was a thought somewhere deep in her mind.

This year she has a cell phone and can call. I also made her cards for morning and night to open and read. I tried to say "I miss you but want you to stay there" as best I could.

So here I am. I have dishes to do. Aren't you jealous?

Giving Care

2009-07-08T05:01:00.000-07:00

Giving care is not the same as being a caregiver. My mother is having eye surgery and will probably be coming to stay with me a few days. Not a big deal for most people but she is on huge amounts of blood thinners.

I'm not a good nurse. I can stop blood and change bandages, but I'm not good beyond that. I'm compassionate and will sit with anyone at the hospital for as long as I need. But I don't have what it takes to be a nurse. Even when AJ was on the crutches for a few days, I was frazzled by the noise.

So, Mom will be here for a few days. Part of me is really looking forward to it. Part of me dreads it. Ack.

4th of July 2009

2009-07-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

So far, a great day.

Home

2009-07-03T18:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't left the house at all today. I was going to go get groceries but I had a bad start to the morning with AJ and she has pretty much slept all day. She got up twice but went back to bed. She didn't even eat lunch. That is unusual for her. I think the night of missed sleep and a few pain pills in the last few days have caught up with her.

All in all, I think her attachment to us is very good. Older child adoptions have to work on attachment and bonding. We did, it was hard, and I may write about it all someday. My point in talking about it now is that when something like this happens she tends to regress a little in the attachment area.

She wants me in her sight at all times. If she goes to the bathroom when we are out, she wants me with her. If she is here, she wants to be right under me. If I try to do something else I hear, "Mom, don't you love me and want to take care of me?".

These days are hard for me. She clings and whines and I try to be patient. To be honest, I was happy that she slept so much today. I then felt a load of guilt so I didn't enjoy it all that much.

Summer Safety: Door Stops

2009-06-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

My mother is a clumsy person. She broke a toe on the toilet once. My sister is just as awkward. She and my mother share the same middle name, as does AJ. She also shares their clumsy trait.

This summer I have watched her flip on the trampoline, do cartwheels off the diving board, race down the street on her skating board with her dog pulling her, and countless other daredevil stunts. Yet she broke her foot on a door stop. I don't know how.

I do feel horrible that I didn't take her to the ER last night. It happened at 9:00 and it didn't swell. She kept saying it was broken. She came in and woke me up at about 11:45 to tell me it hurt. I got her an icepack and a motrin. She came in later at some time to tell me that it was still hurting. She didn't want a pain pill left over from her appendectomy so I didn't know what else to do.

I took her in early this morning and sure enough, she broke her cuboid bone. On a doorstop.

Relationships

2009-06-28T18:45:00.000-07:00

Our sermon at church today was about relationships. Funny that I've had it on my mind so much. Sometimes we love people and find a closeness in people who are no blood relation and at others we stand beside our family even if they have become the scourge of the town. Either way, family is often what we make it.

I've learned a lot about family ties because of adoption. My grandfather was adopted, his older sister being taken minutes before they were placed with my great-grandparents. His sister contacted him when he was grown and still spoke until she passed away. My daughter knows her half brother that she was raised with for 7 years and wants to keep contact with him. What about the rest? Does that make them go away? Of course not.

When people tell me I do great things with AJ, I often blush. One thing I do feel that I do well is that I encourage her to remember and love her birth family if she so chooses. Yes, there were problems. It was enough for a judge to remove them, but I think she will have to face that when she is older. It does stop any love that is there. I let her find her way because those relationships will be hers, not mine.

Sometimes that isn't an easy thing for me to do. I really just know that she is capable of loving many people.

On to family pictures. Here are some more of Padre Island. It was windy.

Here is my wonderful husband.

Where am I, asks my friend Deb. I did buy myself a white shirt to wear for pictures. (you will never see me in white) The wind was a nightmare. I even have tornado proof hairspray and it only combined with the humidity to provide something like the Jim Carey movie How The Grinch Stole Christmas. It was bad. So no pictures of me.

The Writer In The Family

2009-06-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I am skipping all over the place in this blog. While I had hoped that we would reach a point that adoption wasn't even something we thought of anymore, that isn't so much an option anymore. No, we don't make a point of saying, "don't forget, you are adopted."

There is much more than that to it. We don't talk about it everyday but we talk about things as needed. My decision to volunteer for CPS keeps my back in the world of foster care and adoption. Not until this summer did AJ have any participation in this. Of course, going to the office brought back memories. I don't know if it is good or bad, it just is. Memories exist and who am I to say she has to forget them. She can't even if she tried.

In other news, she wrote a story that is being published by Chicken Soup For the Soul. The book will be released in Sept and her story tells about her dog and how he came to be a member of this family. She compares it to how she was also one with a not so great start in life but has found a home.

This opportunity comes at the same time she has been asked to be the spotlight child for National Adoption Month in our area. She will be busy and I am praying that it will all be for a good cause. While I don't want her to stand out because she is adopted, I don't want to ever deny her past or heritage. We love her no less because she is adopted and it is just what it is. It is the way we built our family.

2009-06-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

This is AJ. She was at the beach for the first time in her life. She loved it.

I can't imagine that many people are as lucky was we are. We have a beautiful, brilliant, well mannered and loving daughter. She is a survivor.

People often tell me that she is the lucky one, having us for a family and that we adopted her. I don't usually say what I am thinking at that time, but no, she isn't the lucky one. She didn't ask to be taken from her birth family. She certainly wasn't lucky to spend years in foster care while the case dragged on. Lucky to have us? I can't imagine it.

Nobody tells children who are born to a family how lucky they are. As people are getting to know AJ more, they are seeing now that it is really her dad and I who are the lucky ones.

Vacation Bible School

2009-06-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

Really, it isn't much of a vacation. I've worked it for years and worked with just about every age group there is. I even did Arts/Crafts one year. Arts/Crafts is not my forte.

One year we were getting ready and the phone rings, asking us to pick up some kids a few streets behind us. They wanted to come but didn't have a ride and this person's van was full already. I probably grumped a little that it would cut into a few minutes of time but I already knew these kids. I had the boy in my class the year before. The little sister, I didn't know so well.

The first night was fine. They were well behaved and happy to have a ride. On the way home, she leans up and tells us that they are foster kids, hoping to someday have a family. She really wants a mama. Once we got home it was all Dale could talk about.

The next night she was late coming to the car. I was impatient and asked the brother, "What is taking her so long?"
"She wants to look perfect for you guys," he told us.

Yikes. She came out, finally, in a pretty little dress with lacy socks and black shoes. On the way home that night she leaned up and said, "Have you ever considered adoption? I know you would make great parents." She was 6 years old.

That is the beginning of how AJ came to be our daughter. Dale wrote in his home study essay (one of many) that his heart was heavy ever since meeting her. He couldn't forget her or his feeling that he was meant to be her father. There is much in between and it was a hard battle. She can barely remember that. Her brother was moved about six months later, the state deciding they shouldn't be together. He had special needs due to abuse/neglect, and needed a higher level of care. A little less than a year after VBS, she was free for adoption.

That is something we never thought would happen.

The Rainbow Room

2009-06-22T06:54:00.001-07:00

It sounds like a fancy tea room with fine china and lace tablecloths. Maybe even small cookies with a special filling, ones you can tell were handmade.
But it isn't that at all. The Rainbow Room in Texas is an emergency resource room that holds supplies, clothes and items for social workers to pull for kids as needed. Imagine picking up a child who has been in the ER for the last 7 hours, or pulled from a crack house, or the police station. They have nothing but the clothes on their back and often have to wait a few more hours until the social workers can find a temporary home for them.
This is where the rainbow room comes in to play. THere are diapers, formula, clothes, shoes, school supplies, shampoo, ect. The neat thing about this room is it is ran 100% on donations. Volunteers stock it and make sure there are no empty shelves. It isn't an easy job when very few people know about its existance.
This is my summer job. I work year round to help raise awareness and items for the room but in the summer I can get in there and really work. Today I will and even take AJ. Last week I worked and saw that we were low on diapers, formula, and we needed the summer clothes to replace the winter clothes.
I hope that if you have time, items or money to give, you consider the rainbow room or a place like.

Hush Little Baby

2009-06-20T04:05:00.000-07:00

It is 6:05 and the kids are sleeping on this Saturday morning. The early mornings are the only time that I have any sort of peace and quiet.

Since Dale and I have had children since the start of our marriage, we were a little excited to start planning our empty nest a few years ago. We were going to go slowly and be prepared to move to the country by the time RJ was out of high school. We looked at land and at cabins. We measured and set our goal of 2008 to be ready.

That time has since came and went. We now have a daughter. The empty nest is now a few more years away and instead of it being in the country we are looking at going wherever she decides to go to college.

As I prepare my lessons for Vacation Bible School this week, I replay in my mind exactly how she came to us. It all started with Vacation Bible School. At least it was the start for us. She had already been in foster care for several years. When we got a call to pick up some kids a few streets behind us and bring them to VBS with us, we had no idea that we would someday adopt the little girl that dressed up in her best dress and lacey socks just for us.

But we did.

Who are we?

2009-06-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

Our family really isn't like most others. We are a blended family that has melted together pretty well. It did take quite a bit of work though. More on that later. Through my job as a teacher, I am seeing that most families don't fit the Cleaver mold anymore. Some are the typical divorce/remarry, many are grandparents raising grandchildren, and many more.

Our family started in 1997 when Dale and I got married. He had been divorced almost 2 years and had one grown son and two at home. One was a teenager and one was 6. I had no children. We married and have since had maybe one weekend alone. We jumped right into family.

We brought a daughter into the mix with three boys. She was 8 when she came home to us. That is a story that takes a long time to tell so I'll save it for another time.

We are members of a small Baptist church, I teach school, and I volunteer for the local Rainbow Room in our county. I love photography, reading and writing.

This is who we are.

Ketchup

2009-05-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

I need to do better. I promise I will.

Since Christmas?
M is almost finished with his 2nd semester of college.
A had her appendix removed and missed a week of school.
I am on the never ending quest to become organized.

Gotta run. A just came in and has scrapes galore. Dog and scooter accident.

As it always seems to happen....

2008-12-15T17:33:00.000-08:00

The thing I love most about this HP contest is seeing that there really is good in the world. Whoever wins these prizes will do great things by what I am reading. THere is a great need in the world. I have been pleasantly surprised to read and see what people are already doing. Sometimes people are doing a lot and don't even realize it.

Mom is having a pacemaker put in tomorrow. I am more than nervous. Boo wants to take off and go with me. Not only would that make my nerves worse, God forbid something did go wrong. I would not be in any state to comfort her or take care of her. It just isn't a place for her to be tomorrow. She said that she will be my comfort if I am sad or scared. She already is.

To those who left kind notes about her, thank you. She is awesome. She is a beautiful, straight A, well behaved (at school) kid. Who could ask for more?

Last but not least, we had another death in the family. My 17 year old cousin was in an accident Sunday morning and killed on impact. His mother has had a breakdown and is unable to speak to anyone. Her mother passed away years ago and she really has nobody to help her through this. It is so sad.

I am off to get Boo ready for bed. Night all. I hope to be back with good news soon.

HP Contest: What have I done.

2008-12-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

In a contest for HP, the question was asked what have I done to impact the lives of others. I can tell you, not enough. WHen I do something for someone it always seems to benefit me more in the long run anyway. AN example:

Three years ago I was teaching Vacation Bible School. We were asked to give some kids a ride that lived nearby. They were foster kids. I knew them from the school where I teach and had in fact, had one in class. THere was a little girl who stole our hearts.

Three years later, she is my daughter. We went through the whole foster/adopt wit the state and here she is, as if she has always been here. THe truth is though,it almost started as a good deed. You can't do that. It doesn't work that way. She is my daughter now, and the biggest blessing of my life. She isn't a charity case or some project that we took on. She has helped us.

I always promised to somehow help once we were finished with the adoption. I wasn't sure how this would happen. A year ago Boo and I both made resolutions to volunteer in the community. She wanted to help at the animal shelter as she can't stand to see animals hungry, beaten or abandoned. (I know)

I chose to volunteer for CPS. It took almost 6 months to get certified to volunteer but once it was all done I was appointed by a local judge to the county board that governs the foster children in our area. Wow. I have seen such amazing things. I was a part of the first annual adoption day in our county. It was front page news. I've been a part of much more and it is something that gives back to me more than I give to it.

During the year I do random things that all teachers find themselves doing at some point: buying shoes and socks for one in needs, getting a coat for someone, taking food......it is just doing what you have to do. Seeing the inside life of foster care, you just do what you have to do.

If I won this, I would donate a good portion to the Child Welfare Board of our county. We could use it to do so many things. I would also give my sister one or more. She works for a children's psychiatric hospital and most of the kids there are wards of the state. She has a work PC but not one at home. She needs one trust me.

I want to also so, don't just give at Christmas. DO it year round.

The Old Resolution

2008-12-04T03:58:00.000-08:00

Last year,AJ and I made a New Year's resolution. We decided to each volunteer for something that was special to us.
She chose the animal shelter. It is almost a personal attack on her to see animals hungry, abandoned, or hurt. Yet, you must be 16 to volunteer at the shelter. She has since found 4 stray dogs and found the owner of each one. Thank God, because we didn't want to keep them.
I chose to volunteer for Child Protective Services. In the adoption process two years ago I saw a great need and vowed to come back and help if we ever reached a solid point. We got there. It took almost 6 months for my paperwork to clear and they wanted to have me appointed to the Child Welfare Board in our county. Since then I have seen and done so much. Behind the scenes is always amazing to me. The Rainbow Room must have constant restocking so the social workers can pull necessary items for children taken into care. Just one example-there are many.

I hope that we can all do more next year.

HP Magic Giveaway

2008-12-03T17:14:00.000-08:00

I have a blog that I read who is participating in the giveaway of tons of neat stuff from HP. I am going to enter one of the blogs contest right here, right now by describing what I would do if I won $6,000 worth of computer equipment.
The very first thing I would do is let my sister, Joy, choose what she needs for school/work. She is just shy of a masters in psychology/counseling and really needs a computer. She needs it for work she takes home as well. She works for a psychiatric children's hospital as a caseworker. Most nights she works late to have access to the computer, thus having to leave in the bad area of downtown Little Rock at night. She has been working all kinds of hours e-mailing the Christmas wish lists of the needy kids who have the state as a guardian.
I would then donate a portion to the Bowie County Child Welfare Board, especially the Rainbow Room. This room gives the social workers access to items and materials that a child might need the moment they are taken into care. Having adopted a child from foster care, this is near and dear to my heart.I would be willing to donate anything to have that moment in time easier on a child in need. I am on the board and can see the needs in our area. They are too great to begin to list.
Last, my church needs the rest. We have NO computer and in this day and time, that is not possible. I try to use my desktop at home but we need one at church for everything. Vacation Bible school, ordering our Sunday School materials, printing bulletins, keeping up with ALL the money aspects. We need it. Seriously.
IN a nutshell, my sister for her college degree (because her time consuming yet rewarding job pays squat), my church, and the Rainbow Room, C/O the BCCW board.

Check out the HP link. Well worth your time. http://www.hp.com/united-states/campaigns/blogger-magic/
This is the blog holding the contest for this post. http://mooshinindy.com/2008/12/03/hp-magic-giveaway/
I am posting for this specific blog.

Let The Christmas Rush...Begin

2008-11-29T17:54:00.000-08:00

So Thanksgiving was fairly uneventful. Nobody got into a bad fight. I count that as a successful holiday. Black Friday shopping was almost forgotten as we slept so long afterwards. Leftovers are about to be thrown out. Have mercy.

Soon we will be having Christmas. In our family that means more turkey and dressing, carbs and having Mom write checks while we all open presents. I'm ready.

Step Inside: My Treat

2008-06-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

The thought of being so public scares me a little. I'll see where this takes me because there are some things I want to do with it,.

Disclaimer: My parents are nice people who would freak out at this. (they know all kinds of perverts are on this internet wanting to see pictures of little naked boys)