Thursday, February 18, 2010

Going Away

I have to go away for two days in a few weeks. Since Boo has been a part of our family, I've never been away overnight. In fact, I hardly go anywhere without her.

We spent the first six months together. She was hardly anywhere that I wasn't. It was exhausting but it planted the seed that I was not going to leave her. Once our adoption was final after that six months, I thought I could maybe venture to the grocery store while she stayed home with Dad. No. It took about another year before I could really leave without her fearing it was for good.

Things are better but not yet perfect. I feel that they never will be. I hardly go out with friends to eat or see a movie. I'm talking once or twice a year. I wonder how my trip will work on her mind. Is she able to process that she misses me, but I will return? Will she tell herself (and me) that she hates me to lessen the hurt if I don't return?

I hope that this is a learning experience for us as a family, and as a mother daughter. I will try to reassure her that I AM coming back and do miss her. I hope that she will someday learn that I am always coming back.