Going Away

I have to go away for two days in a few weeks. Since Boo has been a part of our family, I've never been away overnight. In fact, I hardly go anywhere without her.

We spent the first six months together. She was hardly anywhere that I wasn't. It was exhausting but it planted the seed that I was not going to leave her. Once our adoption was final after that six months, I thought I could maybe venture to the grocery store while she stayed home with Dad. No. It took about another year before I could really leave without her fearing it was for good.

Things are better but not yet perfect. I feel that they never will be. I hardly go out with friends to eat or see a movie. I'm talking once or twice a year. I wonder how my trip will work on her mind. Is she able to process that she misses me, but I will return? Will she tell herself (and me) that she hates me to lessen the hurt if I don't return?

I hope that this is a learning experience for us as a family, and as a mother daughter. I will try to reassure her that I AM coming back and do miss her. I hope that she will someday learn that I am always coming back.

All By Myself

This hasn't happened in years. I'm all alone. (if you don't count the animals)

Even more rare, Dale and I will have two nights and days alone and he is off work for them. We pretty much plan to stay home and maybe go eat. We are exciting like that.

AJ is at camp. I do hate to let her go at all because it seems to mess with her attachment. Last year was her first year to go and she did fine but was so afraid that somehow, we sent her away for good. She knew better but it was a thought somewhere deep in her mind.

This year she has a cell phone and can call. I also made her cards for morning and night to open and read. I tried to say "I miss you but want you to stay there" as best I could.

So here I am. I have dishes to do. Aren't you jealous?

Home

I haven't left the house at all today. I was going to go get groceries but I had a bad start to the morning with AJ and she has pretty much slept all day. She got up twice but went back to bed. She didn't even eat lunch. That is unusual for her. I think the night of missed sleep and a few pain pills in the last few days have caught up with her.

All in all, I think her attachment to us is very good. Older child adoptions have to work on attachment and bonding. We did, it was hard, and I may write about it all someday. My point in talking about it now is that when something like this happens she tends to regress a little in the attachment area.

She wants me in her sight at all times. If she goes to the bathroom when we are out, she wants me with her. If she is here, she wants to be right under me. If I try to do something else I hear, "Mom, don't you love me and want to take care of me?".

These days are hard for me. She clings and whines and I try to be patient. To be honest, I was happy that she slept so much today. I then felt a load of guilt so I didn't enjoy it all that much.